Nobody Tells You About the Puppy Blues

I was doing a bit of Reddit scrolling in a puppy group the other day and noticed that Puppy Blues exists as an individual category and, no exaggeration, I’d say that one in 5 of the group comments began with emotional desperation: ‘Am I a bad person for not loving my puppy’, ‘I can’t survive on 3 hour’s sleep’ and, worst of all, ‘ I’m thinking of rehoming’

The reality is so often the opposite of what you had imagined - the puppy sleeping peacefully on your lap, the endless cuddles, watching them taking their tentative first steps outside.

Nobody mentions the week where you're crying in the kitchen at 3am because the puppy won't sleep, won't stop biting, has just peed on the carpet for the fifth time that day, and you're genuinely questioning whether you've made a catastrophic mistake. The puppy blues are real, they're common, and they don't mean you're a bad owner or that you got the wrong dog. Here's what's actually happening, why it happens, and how to get through it.

What the puppy blues are

The puppy blues hit somewhere between week one and week eight. You've brought home this little bundle of fluff you've been excited about for months, maybe years. You've bought all the equipment, read the books, watched the videos, prepared everything - you’ve done everything you can possibly think of to give this puppy the best start in life possible, and you feel totally prepared and in control.

And then reality bites, literally. (Don’t worry, the mouthing is developmental and normal - here's why it happens), The puppy screams in the crate. It pees inside five minutes after you brought them in from outside. It won’t settle or sleep unless it physically on you. You can't leave it alone for ten minutes and you can't sleep more than two hours. You can't have a conversation without being climbed on, bitten, or mopping up the latest accident.

You feel like your life has been consumed by an animal who it feels doesn't even like you yet - who treats you like a chew toy, ignores everything you say, and makes you wonder if you're fundamentally incapable of raising a dog.

That's the puppy blues. And it's brutally common.

Why it happens

The expectation-reality gap

You expected a companion. You got an incontinent baby shark. Those Reddit threads are a world away from what you see on Instagram; as with so many other things, every piece of puppy content online shows the highlights - either the adorable zoomies or fast asleep on the couch . Nobody posts the video of them sobbing at 4am because the puppy has screamed in the crate for three hours and they're so exhausted they can't think straight.

The gap between "adorable puppy" and the relentless chaos is enormous. And when reality doesn't match the fantasy, your brain interprets it as failure; I’ve lost count of the time I’ve heard people saying ‘I feel like I’m doing everything wrong’.

Here are a few of the reasons why:

Sleep deprivation

Occasionally you’ll hit the jackpot and get a puppy that sleeps through the night. Those are the ones that people tend to tell you about, strangely! But the vast majority of puppies don't sleep through the night. They need to pee every few hours which means you're functioning on broken sleep for weeks. Sleep deprivation makes everything harder - your patience evaporates, your emotional regulation collapses, small problems feel catastrophic.

One of the contributors to the Reddit puppy group actually said she’s had a panic attack - an extreme example, admittedly, but also clear proof of how difficult this time is for some people

Loss of autonomy

You life can feel like it’s stopped and you can't leave the house for more than an hour. I’ve heard some people say that they found having a puppy harder than having a baby. You can't go to the pub, you can't see friends without arranging someone to look after the puppy, you can't work uninterrupted, and you can't relax because the puppy is always demanding something. Every plan now includes "but what about the puppy?"

That loss of freedom - especially if you're used to independence - feels suffocating. You resent the puppy for it, then feel guilty about the resentment, then feel worse because you chose this.

The puppy is hard work and gives nothing back yet

An adult dog gives you companionship, affection, partnership. A puppy gives you teeth, urine, and screaming. They don't know you yet. They're not bonded to you. You're just the thing that appears with food.

You're pouring energy into this creature and getting nothing in return except more work. And it's thankless, exhausting, and relentless.

Buyer's remorse

You made a 10-15 year commitment based on an eight-week-old animal who is currently ruining your life. You can't return them - that would be awful, irresponsible, cruel. But you’d be surprised just how common this is - even as a fleeting thought. You look at the puppy and think "what have I done?"

What it feels like

Regret. Panic. Resentment. Guilt about the resentment. Exhaustion that goes beyond physical tiredness into a kind of numb, grey, can't-think-clearly fog. You fantasise about your old life. It's isolating, overwhelming, and feels like it will never end. And if you think I’m exaggerating, here’s just one comment from the online puppy group:

“I find myself crying every day, wishing I could go back to my life before the dog. My family loves the puppy, but the responsibility of training and care is solely on me, which makes me feel even more isolated. When I’m alone with him, the depression is overwhelming.

I’m also constantly anxious about the future—worrying if he’ll become aggressive as he grows, or if I’ll be able to afford major vet bills down the line. I thought I was prepared, but I feel like I've made a huge mistake.”

Hang in there: it ends

The puppy blues are temporary. Not "it gets easier" in a vague, distant way - it’s temporary. Most people start feeling better around week 12-16. The puppy sleeps longer. Bladder control improves and they start understanding routines. The biting eases and they begin to settle.

It doesn't happen all at once. You'll have a good day, then three bad days, then two good days, then a terrible day, then a week where things actually work.

By six months, the worst is behind you. Focus on getting through the critical socialisation window - that's what matters most right now. By a year, you'll have a dog - not perfect (no dog is), still adolescent, but recognisably the animal you imagined. By two years, you'll struggle to remember how bad those first weeks were.

How to survive it

Stop comparing your puppy the social media ‘ideal’

Nobody posts the reality. Every puppy owner you see on Instagram who looks like they have it together is also crying in the kitchen sometimes. You're not failing - you're in the hard bit that nobody photographs.

Sleep when you can

Sleep deprivation makes everything worse - address it first. If you work allows it, take a nap when they do. If you have a partner, split the load. If you're alone, recruit friends, family, dog walkers, anyone. One night of full sleep makes an astonishing difference.

Lower your expectations

You're not going to have a perfectly trained puppy at 12 weeks. I sometimes work with clients who seem to think a five week course is all their puppy is going to need - and worse, that if I come round once a week, that’s going to be enough without them doing any work themselves. Sorry to blunt, but if you’re not prepared to put in the work, don’t get a puppy. Settle in for the long haul - this is not an overnight job - and don’t give yourself a hard time for not ‘getting it right’ overnight.

Management over training

Training is exhausting when you're already exhausted. Management is much easier. Rather then complaining about them chewing the furniture, remove access to furniture. When they have accidents, I’m sorry to tell you, it’s your fault - make sure you’re taking them out after sleep, after play, after eating; they can hold on longer overnight and they should be sleeping a lot of time during the day, but when they’re not, it’s not unusual to be taking them out every 90 minutes. If the biting gets too much, enforced naps and the occasional time outs make your life a whole lots easier.

Remember this is temporary

It feels like it will never end but it does, puppies grow absurdly fast. The 10-week-old nightmare is a different animal at 16 weeks. The earliest weeks and months are hard work - there’s no question about that - but they will grow out of it.

Talk about it

Find other puppy owners - online groups, local training classes, anywhere. Saying "I regret getting this puppy" out loud to someone who says "me too" is remarkably therapeutic. Check out those Reddit groups - I promise you you’re not alone.

If you're struggling through this period, professional support can make all the difference.

The Dog’s Honest Truth

The puppy blues don't mean you're a bad owner. They don't mean you got the wrong dog. They mean you're a human being coping with a massive life change, sleep deprivation, loss of autonomy, and an animal who is biologically designed to be difficult at this age.

It's hard. Whoever said it would be easy? Every puppy owner goes through some version of this - even the ones who look like they're coping.

You'll get through it. The puppy will grow up. You'll sleep again. And in a year, you'll look at your dog and struggle to remember why those first weeks felt so impossible.

But right now, if you're in it: you're doing better than you think. The puppy doesn't need perfection. They need consistency, patience, and someone who doesn't give up.